Having or adopting a child is not for everyone. See for yourself what category you fall into. Adoption is a big deal. Bringing a child into your life that is guaranteed to have wounds can be scary if you are unprepared. Learning all you need to know about the adopted child and all the differences required in parenting can leave you asking: “How do I know if adoption is right for me?”
You can start by asking yourself these series of questions. In answering these questions, be brutally honest with yourself because children aren’t a short-term commitment. This is a time to get real with yourself, your dreams, and your life goals.
Having children for some is the next best thing to do but times have changed. You get to decide what is right for your life — not living through the doctrine of what someone else thinks you ‘should’ do. Equally, if you are having children for the wrong reasons, you will be doing a grave disservice to everyone and further damage the adoptee.
What to know before you adopt is by asking yourself these 7 critical questions:
- What am I willing to give up?
- What will I gain if I do?
- What will I lose if I don’t?
- What will I gain if I don’t?
- What will I lose if I do?
- What are my deepest fears around adoption?
- Do you I the time, energy, and patience to do whatever it takes to release those fears?
There is a very large time, financial, and emotional commitment to having children. Adoption adds a few extra layers. While the anticipation can seem blissful, the reality isn’t for many parents. And it is simply from lack of preparedness. When you get really clear about your “why”, you can begin to craft the foundation for your family to thrive.
Parenting is many things to many people.
Ask 100 people you will get 100 different answers but under all the stories, this one constant remains: love. The love parents have for their child — adopted or biological — is often what keeps their fire sparked. It’s the reason they get out of bed in the morning — to see the precious faces of their children. But not everyone feels that way and it’s best to know before you go down this path.
If you are considering adoption and have done your research, then you know adoptees come into the relationship, wounded. They have primal wounds which will show up at different times in their lives and through different means. Some may act out while some may become people pleasers. There is no way of knowing how the adoptee will be affected but there is a way of minimizing their pain and inner suffering. And that all starts with you, the parent.
Are you prepared for that kind of responsibility?
Maybe you were even born for it! Nobody is completely prepared for parenting but by answering the 7 questions above with honesty and realism, you will see through the illusion and bridge the gap between knowing what you want and why you want it.
Is your reason for wanting to adopt ego-driven or heart-centered? Do you want to adopt because your whole life you wanted a child, or because you think children will help define you? Are you of the mentality that children must obey or that they will instead have respect for you?
Can you say with certainty you are not holding expectations for them to follow your dreams — or will you allow them to find and pursue their own no matter how different from yours they are? Will you set the stage for authenticity and openness — or shut them down when their behavior does not suit your agenda?
My wish for you is to do the work — clean up your past and get crystal clear on your life vision.
Source: Your Tango