Problems That Prove It’s Not Easy Being Blonde. Upkeep alone can seem like a full-time job.
1. It’s EXPENSIVE.
The constant maintenance of being a blonde is NOT cheap. Getting your hair colored every 4 weeks to get rid of roots can be upwards of $200+ a month (and if you live in NYC, let’s be honest, color can be A LOT more than that). Plus the special color-treated shampoos and conditioners. Being a blonde is $.
2. The pursuit of blonde can be a little addictive.
There have been points where I can just NEVER be quite blonde enough. It’s all about getting that “goldilocks” not-too-blonde-but-still-blonde-enough, just right shade.
3. You feel like Grace Kelly right after getting your hair colored, but like Britney Spears a month later.
It’s a full-time job being a blonde. You need to consistently keep up with it and get your hair colored. Also, it affects your mood; I feel like my best self right after I get my hair colored and down when I don’t.
4. Creepy blonde fetishes.
I’m sure all blondes have experienced this at one point in their life. There’s the weird older man who whispers to you that he “has a thing for blondes.” Not to sound conceited, but sometimes we get TOO much attention.
5. 50 shades of blonde.
There are so many different shades of blonde, the entire coloring process can be seriously confusing. The colorist asks: “Do you want to be golden, white, honey, buttery, ashy, platinum, strawberry?” I don’t know! I just want to be blonde!
6. The stereotypes.
Often, people just don’t expect you to be as intelligent or sharp when you’re a blonde. And you’re like, “REALLY, I can recite The Aeneid backwards. So TAKE THAT.”
7. “Are you a natural blonde?”
Can this question just be banned from the English language? I always say, “Yes, of course. Look at this photo of me at age 3.” And then I get,”Right, but what about that photo of you at age 8, when your hair is brown?” Then I usually just walk away, with my head down, feeling defeated like Linus in A Charlie Brown Christmas.
8. The nicknames.
Blondie. Marilyn. Goldilocks. Lemon head. Rapunzel. Elle Woods. Elsa. #stop
9. You can’t really wear the color yellow.
Listen, some blondes CAN pull it off, but I’m not one of them. It makes me look sickly and washed out.
10. Split ends.
They’re a daily occurrence when you’re blonde. Regular haircuts are a must, adding to point #1, being a blonde is expensive.
11. “So, two blondes were screwing in a lightbulb…”
Oh, how we love the endless ridiculous dumb blonde jokes.
12. You’re always offending brunettes.
Honestly, the majority of my closest friends are also blonde. What can I say, we stick together. But we do have a few brunettes and redheads in the mix, and when we want to say things like “me and my blonde-terage” it just doesn’t work, people feel left out.
13. Search for a colorist that is “the ONE”.
I feel #blessed to get my hair colored by one of the most talented colorists in the world, Kyle White at Oscar Blandi. He has made me my brightest, happiest, blondest self. But for years and years I struggled to find a colorist that would take me bright enough. And a lot of my friends have commitment issues with their colorists because of this.
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